CHAOS

words


i want them to drip

sticky

like cherry cough syrup

slow and even

from the clear rim of an almost empty bottle

straight to the back of my

dry

worn out

throat


i want them to surge

non-stop

to pack a punch

to go

and go

and go

filling up the silence

that tells me

to run

fast


i want them to

appear

on his doorstep

does he have a doorstep?

wrapped in recycled paper

a loosely tied bow

strung together from plastic

clipped off the neck

of an endangered sea turtle


words for me

words for you


i want them to hurt

to burn

to take one look in the mirror

and shatter their own reflection

then kneel

gently

and brush the shards

piece by piece

edges mixing with letters

careful not to miss a piece


am i asking too much?


i don't want them

need them

these words

to say the shit

that swirled around like molten lava

and burned holes in my heart

when she was supposed to be reading

me bedtime stories


i don't want to

need them

to stitch up the wounds

that made me believe

there would always be a card missing

from my deck


i don't want to need them

because

the words don't always show up

nobody ever does

and i guess sometimes

i'm scared

that without them

i won't be enough