APPREHENSION

do you remember

the first time you cracked


splitting the seams

just enough

to allow icy water

to sneak

ever so slowly

into the soft parts

of your mind

swallowing the breath

from your lungs

in an instant


do you remember

how it ached


and hurled a tremendous

heaviness

like a wool blanket

stealing the oxygen

right out from under

your fire


suffocating

the part of you

that used to illuminate

at dawn

while inhaling hazy dew

reflecting hues of apricot

somewhere high above

sea level


can you even forget

the first time


his gaze

passed effortlessly beyond

the eagerness

of your fresh

beating

heart


it would be nice

wouldn't it


to pretend

we were all just playing

rounds

of chutes & ladders

where colored pieces

were just that


and everytime

you slide back down

to start

you weren't in fact

being shoved

deep

into hungry

subconscious beliefs

that everyone

will always

leave

you